I was discussing religion with a friend a few years ago at a time when I wasn’t sure what my “true” beliefs were. At the time I was sounding like an *atheist* and this particular friend was frightened. It’s really hard to explain but she was convinced that I *must* believe in God and wouldn’t let the conversation go until I admitted it. I’m pretty sure I said “Yeah, sure” but I was thinking “why does it matter?”. The fact that she was scared was starting to scare me. And for a long time that conversation haunted me.
Later on I decided that I didn’t believe but that I would tell the believers to put in a good word for me when they go to heaven. That’s been my line up until recently.
Then George W. Bush comes along and I read how he’s a believer and how he “listens to God” when he makes decisions. I didn’t know if it was true or not . . . I think I saw a clip of it . . . but it wasn’t in the news and to me it seemed like a big deal. I figured if it was true it would come up again.
About the same time I talked to someone who *believed* that Bush was chosen by God and that all leaders are chosen by God. WHAT!?!? I kept quizzing and sure enough that’s what this person believed. And they were happy that Bush listened to God (even after I said “Osama listens to God too”). Even though there were unrelated one person believing that God “elects” the leaders was enough for me to allow for the fact that Bush did say he listens to God.
I know it’s strange but those events, along with a Time article about Richard Dawkins, convinced me that I am *not* a theist that’s for sure. But I still don’t like the label “atheist” . . . it scares people. It’s strange to see the look on a theist’s face when you say you’re an atheist. I’m sure it’s not as “bad” as saying you’re gay, but it’s right up there. Saying you’re an atheist evokes the look of discust. A look of “so, you’re one of those”.
Seems to me being an atheist is the easy way. You learn about science in school with facts and you don’t have to twist it all around to conform to what you learn on Sundays. Peoples way of taking two opposing thoughts and somehow making them both true (I believe the term is “rationalizing”) always amazes me.
Before now I used to think to myself that I must be wrong about God because most people in the world are theists so I’m the oddball and somehow I’m wrong. But Bush got reelected and he was the wrong guy (okay, that’s just a jab at Bush . . . I don’t know enough to *know* he was the wrong guy but he certainly made several mistakes . . . I don’t think he’s was trying to be malitious but I don’t think he’s exactly smart either). So my believe in “democracy” was starting to fall apart. Then I read that democracy works great for governments but it’s worthless in science. I decided that democracy wasn’t a good way to decided if I *should* be a theist or not. I mean, *most* people used to think the sun travels around the earth and that the earth was flat (though, there is debate about whether people thought that or not) but certainly a demacratic majority is not equal to truth.
So, am I an atheist? Well, not really. If anything I’m probably more agnostic since in general don’t care enough to gather all the evidence I need to make up my mind. But what I do wonder is if religion is a scourge or if it does add something to humanity. I’m not going to waist my Sundays but is it bad that other people do?
Sheldon
P.S. I know this is rambely. It’s late.